Dear: Love

I know that I still have time left with you, but I want to say it before it’s too late. Thank you. I know that I say it at least 30 + times a day, but when I say ‘thank you’ this time, I mean it when you say thank you. Once, but it truly means thank you, when you say it.

You have taught me to love someone with my whole heart and you have taught me that fear doesn’t have to be an obstacle from letting us do the things that are most important to us. Overtime I have learnt that the world is filled with endless opportunities, that can open doors to new paths, and experiences. I am so happy that I decided to take on the challenge to bringing you here, otherwise I wouldn’t have met the love (I think) of my life.

I know these words are big, so I won’t tell you just yet. But I feel it when I look at you, something stirs in my stomach and it feels right. I know, you say that you can’t do the long distance, (I’m not sure if I can either) but I’m willing to at least try and fight for us, because I feel something so special (and I hope you feel it too).

Just a couple of last words to leave you with:

I am no longer the girl with the vacant smile because of you (the boy with jade coloured eyes) and I will forever be grateful for that ❤

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Thank You Boy

For a long time, I was misunderstanding a group of people. Not because I generally ‘hated’ them, but because they always kept to themselves and weren’t really open to other cultures. Because of that, I kind of resented them for it, and I had a negative connotation associated with them.

Recently through an organization that brings in international talent I met a guy who changed everything. He is adventurous and isn’t afraid to try new things and he loves to share. ‘Loves to share’ sounds odd but really every time we would eat lunch together he would share some his culture’s food. Me coming from a family who loves food, and often eats more food than we should (because it is so damn good), this was very odd to me because the notion of sharing food (in the past) was lost to me, because for me I always wanted more (because it was so damn good). Because of him, I’m now more open to sharing food and I don’t feel like I’m losing an ‘arm and a leg’ when I give up food, it genuinely makes me feel good. On top of that he’s shown me to truly cherish the things in life that we love doing.

For example, over the past year, I was getting off an ankle injury caused from soccer and it has made me miserable this past year. Because I am generally a person who doesn’t like to ‘do’ something about it I didn’t do physio or anything, which delayed the healing process. Just recently he got me to get back and play (obviously my stamina wasn’t great) but it was nice to know that I had the soccer intuition, and I was still able to have that drive and passion that I have always had.

I now no longer see that culture as something odd and weird. I now see the culture as a group of people who are passionate for their country because of the hardships and history that they have faced, and that has brought them closer together. Through meeting him, I have become a better person – someone who is slowly caring less about what people think, taking more risks (smart risks) and really understanding the importance in life: surrounding yourself with people who give a shit about you, doing the things you love for yourself and keeping a proper mental health to keep yourself fulfilled.

I don’t know if I will ever show him what I have written, but because of him my views of the world has changed and I have changed for the better.

Thank you boy ❤

Epiphany

For a long part of my somewhat short life I believed I was stupid. Stupid because I didn’t measure up to what other people were good at. For instance, Sciences in High School: I even got pressured into taking Chemistry because my friends said it would be useful later on (what I found out ‘later on’: a total lie UNLESS you were going into the sciences). On the bright side I learned that I hated Chemistry, and that it was something that I didn’t like doing nor was it something that I excelled at.

Fast forward a couple years and I’m starting university. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, (even deciding between going to college first or university was hard). I somehow ended up getting into Communications and although I liked what I was doing, the same “Chemistry” incident that happened in high school also repeated itself in university. You see, at my university, the Business program is a dominant program on campus and many students in the business program give off the impression that they are better than everyone else and make yourself (me) feel like crap (after being there for a couple years, and getting to know the ‘business kids’, I know better and don’t hate them like I used to).

Getting back, at the time, although I liked what I was learning, I felt that the skills that I was learning in Communications were irrelevant compared to Business and wanted to acquire those skills to be more rounded when I would graduate. However when I began to take those courses I felt like I had to work 10x as hard as everyone else and it definitely did not come naturally. I began to feel that if only I studied harder, was smarter that I would be a smart ‘Business Kid’ and not be an outsider anymore.

Recently, I started a new job working at a Technology Company handling their social media and branding. Additional duties include bookkeeping which doesn’t come naturally to me. However after my first day on the job of doing payroll, invoices and reimbursements was that ‘yes, I don’t necessarily love this stuff, but that doesn’t mean that the skills that I’m acquiring aren’t useful. And it definitely doesn’t mean that I’m stupid.’ It just means that there are areas that I may have to work harder in to grow.

I would like to leave you with one last food for thought: If you can’t believe in yourself, who can? I realized through my journey in life so far that life is short and you can’t be good at everything but to focus on the positives on what you’re good at and run from there. Hope my words of wisdom helped anyone who has ever felt stupid at anytime of your life and to push on to find something that you are proud and enjoy doing.

❤ ❤

The End

Sometimes you feel something so powerful that the only way to deal with it is to chuck it out of your body – like you were throwing a small stone into a very large ocean. The stone’s impact making a small ripple in a large ocean – making you realize that what you’re feeling sucks but it isn’t the end of the world.

Something better will come along (or so they say) and make what happened okay and you won’t ever look back.

Then why did this feel bigger than what IT was? Watching a band, countless movies and exchanging countless messages back and forth and building a connection. The fact is although IT was never official IT was.

The fact of the matter is – it sucks for someone to say they don’t want you. And I would be lying to myself to say that it’d doesn’t matter, because it does. Tonight I will mourn, tomorrow I will arise and forget and move forward. Because living in the past does nothing for myself, only hurts me more.

Leap of Faith

Contradictory to the name of this blog, there appears to be decent human beings that go to university. Maybe that’s because they are first years that are naive to the new excitement and ‘finding yourself.’ But who can stop that naivety when it’s been plunged and soaked through every pore since we’ve gotten our first locker. Sadly I see that the school and institutional system hollows out the creativity that we were born with and turns us into ‘pod robots’ as E. Lockhart’s Ruby Oliver likes to refer. One could argue that in university that you are given the choice to pursue what you love and want to do – business, communications, science, the arts, English. However what if (like the majority of us) haven’t a clue what we want to do with the rest of our lives. Why is it that we are always being pushed in the direction of university? Why can’t they encourage other options like travelling or working? 

In my opinion it could be that it all comes down to the system. I could argue that the system is corrupt, that universities are run by mean, evil people who are only out to make money and do not care about the people who go to the school. 

The university could come back stating, how they do care about the students – provide more than enough chances to succeed (academic probation), counselling, student learning commons. But isn’t this all in order to keep students coming back to learn, and to keep the university full of money?

Although a majority of this blog post has been pessimistic, one concluding thought I’d like to leave you all with is: why are you going to university? The reality is university degrees are being pumped out like they are going out of business.

My advice to any future student at university – ask yourself why you’re there, keep asking yourself that. Remember that now a days the most important thing an employer above all else is experience. And last as cliche as it sounds, do what you love to do.

To the lovely first year students I met on my second day, you are wonderful people and I hope you enjoy the tough road ahead!