Realizations, confusion and drabbles

Were you always like this? Self-absorbed, attention seeking, building self confidence on likes, comments and emojis? Or have you developed into this monster? I just find it so terribly sad, because the man I knew was kind, cared for his family and friends. But now it’s looking like you’ve changed, and it makes me sad because I thought I knew you. Maybe I did, maybe you showed me your best side, because that’s what we all do. We show our best, hide the ugly parts, the insecurities, the things that only someone who truly loves us can overlook. Now I’m not so sure.

Or maybe I just want to believe that you’ve been awful all along, because I need that to get over you. I am better than I was, so much better. But there’s something about someone who is just so compatible for you, that you just can’t let go. Or more the word, don’t want to let go. So I’m not going to put bullshit words that I’m completely over you, because that’s a lie and I don’t like lying. I also won’t say cliche words and say:  “if I stay positive everything will be okay.” What’s been working and has worked so far is focusing on myself  and building meaningful relationships with the people around me. Because when you are independently happy with friends and family, without the presence of a man, you are happier. I am definitely not saying FUCK men, they only cause problems. I’m saying life is all about balance (cliche but true) and you can’t spend all your time with you’re “snuggle-puss, poo-bear or baby.” Spending time with friends and family is so important and what builds your happiness up <3. And you can’t experience life all alone.

I’m not exactly sure how to end this drabble, but I can say semi-confidently that I will be okay. I’m doing great it’s been six months and I’ve grown into a better and stronger person because of everything that I’ve gone through. It’s hard to follow but “be grateful for the things you have” and stop wishing and longing for the things that you don’t.

 

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