Breaking up with my boyfriend

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Gut Feeling.”

When’s the last time you followed your instinct despite not being sure it was the right thing to do? Did it end up being the right call? 7 MORE WORDS

The last time that I followed my instinct of not knowing entirely if it was the right thing to do is breaking up with my boyfriend of two months and eight days. I understand to most people in serious long term relationships it may look at two months and eight days and not even call it a serious relationship, but to me it was. He was the very first boyfriend I ever had and he was my first everything pretty much, first kiss, first naked shower with someone and first sexual experience. And it was so intense for me, my whole life I felt I was always second choice, despite being so kind and giving, and then he comes along and cares about me.

He was the guy who walked me home because he wanted me to get home safe, but ended up missing the last bus home, so my dad had to drive me home. He was the guy who introduced me back into soccer despite not playing in a year because of an injury that I had. He was the guy who made food for me at lunch, that we could share together – lasagna, his egg omelettes, his culture’s cuisine, which was amazing.

On the other side of things, he was the guy who when he was deciding whether to stay or not (since he was an international student) said that there was nothing left to stay here for. He was the guy who stopped in for a meal I made him for him personally and instead of staying and chilling with me, left and hung out with our friends. He was the guy who got high with our friends and didn’t tell me. He was the guy who joked about sex with other girls with other people when I was around. And most painful he was the guy who cheated with me with one of my friends.

Although breaking up with him was so hard, because a part of me still loved him, I knew it was the right thing to do, because I knew if I didn’t then he would get away with it and do it again. What hurt me the most was that I lost the best friend I thought I ever had, and it’s super hard to move on from something like that.

This post is a super personal piece, but I just needed to get it off my chest, out of my thoughts and onto paper. It’s been one month since I ended it, it’s surprisingly gotten better, not perfect, but I can feel time slowing working its magic.

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